Should I Kill myself ?

Good is bad ?

Right is wrong !?

Weird is normal !!

I think that life is just really hard , complex , and strange to be figured out , isn't it ? . I mean everything just keeps going the wrong way , everything is getting worse rather than better , people tend to use the sneaky ways way more than the direct ones , people aren't ready to do anything for the sake of doing it unless they'll be gainin' a benefit out of it .. and it really happens that people think you are a kind of freak or something when you just don't do the stuff  that they do , OR you just do the things that you are on the habit of doing  . I keep asking myself .. what is goin' on with these people ??  what is wrong ?? and sometimes I just look at the mirror and say  are you positive you are doing the right things ??????????? Well I believe that if you just get yourself upside down .. life will be of a great sense for you !!

To make it clear , I'll give you just one little tiny example of the things from the real life that gets me pissed off .... Cheating Yup yup CHEATING .. The girls at the university get shocked when they learn that I don't cheat ( Alhamdulillah ) you are selfish they say and they think I'm the freakin weirdo around here !!! I'm just a person of principles .. and I'll never give them up .. I believe that cheating is something wrong , unaccepted , disgusting , and forbidden in Islam !!!!!!! and I'm sure that people know it very well . However they do it , they invent and create and plan for CHEATING .. the girls spend their times in preparing to cheating rather than studying !!

Ughh .. I'm sorry I blabbed a lot .. I'm just being provoked and so nervous on this grounds besides that this subject is the one that really gets the best out of my nerves and makes me lose my temper indeed .

P.S. What I say never applies to all this is for sure .

P.P.S. I'm not judging specific people around here .. I just don't like what these people do ! 

 Final whisper

“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.”

Winston Churchill

My Literary Criticism Project . Whew !

Salams everybody ,
Hope you are all doing very well :)

I was so excited to post this yesterday when I came home from the university , but unfortunately I couldn't because I just fell asleep on the couch while I was eating my lunch :D :D .. my brother took me to my bed and thus I spent the whole day sleeping !!

Yesterday , I finally handed in my literary criticism research and did the presentation , and guess what .. I didn't crack << Yaaay . I was going through a rough patch the last couple of weeks doing this research .. it was really tiring . 

I did something about the Saudi food and ancient utensils . I very briefly tackled food and the most important meals in some regions in Saudi Arabia showing how the food in this country is very diverse as well as the other aspects of life . I mentioned that I chose to talk about this topic because food is very dear and near to people's hearts .. I mean every body loves food , right ?? food has something very attractive about it .. people easily get to know each other through food .

However , I was so afraid my professor wouldn't like it , but alhamdulillah she thought that it was a very interesting topic . Anyways , I am so so relieved I'm done with it .

Now Pictures :D

This is what I used to do my presentation .. a newspaper as you can see . I wrote about the interviews I made with some old ladies versed in the matter .

Did you see the basket ??? :D :D

This is the thing that just got my friends waaaaaaaay pissed off ! Because I didn't take it with me .. I mean I have prepared it and put some of the most delicious Saudi dessert inside the small baskets , but I didn't take it ( Please don't ask )

Arwa just kept saying " You are really irritating me ".. quiet for a moment and then cries " I have all the right to murder you .. I can't believe you " Another one said " you must be kidding " I said "No" then she screamed " WHAT are you insane ?? are you insane ?

Hahaha .. sorry buddies :)

Me At The Museum Part ~ 1 ~

Few weeks ago , I had a visit to Sheikh Salama museum for heritage here in Medinah . Dady took me with my brothers and we spent almost all the day there . The trip was really treasured . I was introduced to many stuff I never knew or even heared of ! I took maybe a thousand pictures and bought a couple of books . The place was old and very dusty !!!!!!!!!! but it has marvelous stuff that belong to hundred years . I had so much fun .. and thought I could share you guys a few pictures :)

( The caption will be above each picture )

Outside

The Rawasheen ( wooden windows ) .. which is something very special about Hijaz ( western Province ) especially in Medinah .

Inside

This chair is known as Merkaz

 These boxes were like .. hmmm .. maybe like closets or something , for they kept their clothes in .

Called Sahara ( stress on H ) :D :D

This is called Shidad or Shugdof << had a tough time pronouncing it !!

It's what they put over camels . 

Rababa

A very old musical instrument that was used by bedouins

Its voice annoys me so much. However , people just adore it and still play it till today .

Mebkhara

Where we burn Bakhoor .. fragment woodchips

It's pretty huge :D

 

Coal Iron

I think this is imported .

They put hot coal inside it and do their clothes with it !!! << I would have stayed without Ironing !!!!!!!

 

Sewing machine

Women's clothing

 

Jewelries and accessories 

 I can't believe how they managed wearing these ... they look too heavy !

 

Bracelets

Banajer .. as known here :)

Anklets
We call them Khulkhal or Hejl

Burga3 

This is what they used to cover their faces with

Belts

very nice :) 

  

 

Women's bags and Burga's .. on the left 

 ( Right ) Egal this is what men wore over their Shimagh or Ghutra on their heads .

More bags 

  

 Combs !! 

 

 MEN

 Saudi costumes

Thobe , Ghutra , Egal , and the bullets belt Mehzam .

 

 

What they used to wear in wars 

It's all iron and lead

Rings 

 Men so much like these rings , they still wear them so far .

  

Watches 

 

Cupping tools

Has anyone ever tried cupping ??

I never had , but always felt sick when my father has it .. OMG  

 

Weapons .. swords and shields

My brothers went insane for these :D

 

Whew !

Done for now .. hope you found this interesting ^_^ 

Part 2 is going to be about utensils .. I'll be postin' it soon Insha'Allah :)

Later

My Name Is Abrar , And I'm Not A Male !

Yes , I was surprised to find out that at some cultures my name is a male's name !! Why ? How come ? This soft gentle elegant musical name goes for a male ?? I'm not copping with that !

My name is one of the things I'm in love with << not a narcissist whatsoever :p . It means the righteous , the truthful , the chosen people . It's an Islamic name , and it's a pride that it was mentioned in the Qura'an many times :) . I like my name because it's my name .. it's what represents me , and people always said that you're a part of your name , and I want to be named by my name *what*. Besides , not so many people name Abrar .. it's kinda rare :D :D

Although I luv my name so much , there are some stuff I don't like about it . E.g. my name has always caused me many troubles :( as you can see it starts with the first two letters of the alphabet , so I was always at the very top of any names list in my classes  . When I was at school and even now at the university , teachers always shout out my name at first .. grrrr . An other thing is that my name has two R's , and it's sorta difficult to pronounce for those who have a lisp .. it sounds really cute though :p . However , the most shocking of all is what happened when I called a store the other day and the guy at the store .. the staff who answered me really seemed weirdo talking to me especially when he asked about my name to write it down so he can call me back . Then he said Ok BROTHER Abrar ............... !! and I was like what tha ... ? Is this person for real ? ok my name is a male's but does not my voice say something ????????

Anyways , I started to like my name more and more a few days ago when one of my best friends gave birth to such an adorable baby , She named her after me *tearing* saying that she hopes that her baby grows like me .. I was so moved and almost cried ( I'm an emothinal person ) . For Fatooma my friend May Allah protect your baby and grant her health and well-being Ameen .

Things Happen When Not Planned !

Hey guys ,

Today , my visit to Jarir was treasured . As you can see I bought many interesting fat books ..

1. Plain Truth By Jodi Picoult
2. The Time traveler's wife by Audrey Niffenegger .
3. Markus Zusak's The Book Thief .
4. If I should Speak By Umm Zakiyyah .
5. Dr.A'id al-Qarni's You Can Be The Happiest Woman In The World .
6. The last one is an Arabic book (A collection of Jibran's ) روائع جبران .

The funny Thing about this is that when I went to the bookstore this morning I bore in mind that I'm not going to go to buy any book ( I mean fiction and stuff .. ) cuz I really need to focus on my study , and my MAIN and I repeat my main aim of visiting Jarir was to buy books for my Literary Criticism research ,, something about Saudi Folklore , and I didn't find any book .. not a single one about the topic I chose to tackle , I was so frustrated .. so I headed to the fiction section , then the Islamic section and came up with these six .. and with ZERO research books !!

It happened anyways !!

About my books .. I know that most of you will say OMG where have you been living if you didn't read these so far ? But I really need you to bear in mind that my English is still very simple and humble besides the fact that I never had the courage to buy such fat books with a quite sophisticated  language , for I didn't want to get myself down or feel upset and quit reading for ever ! But I've been brave the last couple of times and I made this huge step . 

so ,wish me luck ^_^

Tired

I am tired , I am weary

I could sleep for a thousand year

Mango Street ; A Book Review

I think I have told you my story while trying to get Mango Street before . I had it sent from Pennsylvania , U.S.A Cuz it wasn't availiable in the bookstores here , and I was a bit afraid that it won't be worthy the trouble I put my uncle through !!! But Alhamduliallah .. it was worthy in big ways . Very unique .. I couldn't really put it down .. well (it's only 110 pages ) :p

The book is about a latin girl "Esperanza" shy and naive . She with her family used to move alot . Mango Street was the last to get their house in . It was the best of all though it was't the house Esperanza always dreamt about in any way . The book gives us snapshots of the life on this street as a poor area , the neighbours , the children , the girls and boys , the stores and every thing . However , the critical thing about this all is how Esperanza reacts to the whole thing as she herself is going through a critical period of her life . The story is so beautifully unfolded as it describes Esperanza's experience through maturity and awarness of the world around her .

The part I liked the most about the book is the way the writer reveals the personality of Esperanza , the way she thinks and talks , her dreams is just astonishing that any girl could identify herself with Esperanza . The descriptions and similes she used had me blown away .. I applaud her for them !

Now , I'll read you little snippets of the book ..

Everything is holding its breath inside me .Everything is waiting to explode like Christmas . I want to be all new and shiny . I want to sit bad at night , a boy around my neck and the wind under my skirt . Not this way , every evening talking to the trees , leaning out my window , imagining what I can't see .

<< SWOONED

Not a flat . Not an apartment in back . Not a man's house .Not a daddy's house . A house all my own . With my porch and my pillow , my pretty purple petunias . My books and my stories . My two shoes waiting beside the bed .... Only a house quiet as snow , a space for myself to go , clean as paper before a poem .

OMG ..  guys this book is A MUST .. Trust me ^_~

Upside Down

 

" Oh Yeah "

Life makes more sense now !!

My Guilty Pleasure ~1~

Do you know anybody on Earth who doesn't like Pepsi???

Very few maybe .. and lucky them!

For me , Pepsi is being a temptation .. an addiction that I pray to Allah every day to rid me of . I've been struggling for ever to quit drinking it and I actually did . I haven't drunk it for seven years !!

But now , apparantly I'm back , and I'm feeling horrible .

I felt so awful about myself for doing so during the previous few months ..

It's ruinin' every thing , my bones , my teeth , my stomach and even my apetite !!

But I luv it .. I luv it so hard :( :( 

So , what I did with this pepsi is that I used it as a reward for myself .. a treat , as I do sometimes with chocolates . If I was a good girl ; Homework done .. room clean .. laundry done .. books read .. missions completed and all kinds of duty just fulfilled ..... then

I deserve a can .. but this can doesn't happen every day by the way ..

once in ten days or two weeks at maximum ( in HOPES .. big hopes that I gradually leave it )

Doing this I can fulfill my desires and stay healthy as well ( a little bit ) :D

It makes sense , doesn't it ??

OH ..P.S. Please pray for my brother to quit it .. it's so ruining his heath :( 

Oh .. Interesting !

I have always come across such terms like Double consciousness and Twoness while surfing the Internet or  reading , and I was kinda attracted to them cuz they really sounded .... Hummm important maybe !!

I've read a little here and there about them , but I didn't feel as excited as today . I haven't realized how interesting this area is till our proffessor tackled it today in our poetry class . The class was about ethnic poetry , she started to draw circles and stuff on the board while she went on explaining , and I knew that I looked really dull from the way Dr.Hadeer looked at me LOL .. I'm sure my eyes were wide opened as well as my mouth !!!!!

Knowing that so many people had more than one identity is nothing new for me , nor is the fact that they might struggled to gain a balanced life ,  but I haven't really thought ( Don't ask me why cuz I don't have a clue .. truely! )  how this might bring them such knowledge and openness to the world , sometimes much more than the others ..

Alot of names were jumping into my head .. Khalil Jibran and Khalil Mutran , Suheir Hammad , Diana Abu Jaber , Malcolm X , Martin Luther King and many others .. and I was like.. hey these people really pulled off !!

For a moment , I thought ,, why don't I have this double consciousness ? why ???
However , I was quite satisfied at the end when she said that people who learn languages besides their mother tongue are more opened and educated cuz they are more exposed to more than one culture << Yaaaay :D

Au revoir ^_^

Snippets of Me

Salams

These are some randoms about me ..

Since you are dying to know more about me ..<< Yeaaah !!

Inspired by Texan's

1. I am a morning person .

2. Obsessed with cleanliness .

3. I'm an all kinds of chocolate addict .

4. I like Oreo cookies with Peanut butter .. YummmY .

5. My favourite fruit is Peach .. Vegetables Tomato and carrots .

6. My favourite French perfume is Dior Addict .

7. White Lilac is my flower .

8. I hate feasts and weddings !

9. Facebook sucks . << Ok .. kill me now !

10. I hate .. no I feeeear bugs and insects .

11. I don't have a crush on Dr.Hadeer !!!!

And more to come ..

April is gone !

 

" April is the cruellest month "

T.S.Eliot