Dear Clear Conscience , Knock It Off !

Alsalam alikom everybody. Hope all is well at your ends?! I hate to be a drama queen , and I really really hate to write at extreme frustration and disappointment at the whole universe , but wallahi I can't help it. You know how picky and freakin' sensitive I'm , and you also know how awful the life out there is , but hey , I'm still here , life is still stupid , so you have to get used to it. This post is for me and for those enthusiastic peeps. Always starting wired and so excited , ending up a doomed wreck. Like me now !

Gonna start off with a very reasonable question : Have you ever had one of those uncontrollable outrageous urges of knocking your head to the walls beacause you only feel stupid ???? Actually , to tell you the truth , I felt so for almost everyday in my bity life , but I did it today! Did it as in did knock my head to the wall ....Yep , thanks for your sympathy and felt good BTW O.o

Been a mad day at school. I was totally dejected because of my classes' exam's results. It turned out that the headmistress of the school is having a spy in every class ( a student ) and probably a spy in our room as well who rats us all out! Really uncalled-for :( I also had to take (1/5) i.e. the lunatics ward i.e. the class I hate most for two periods in a row today in order to keep it up with the other classes. And guess what ? I snapped .. I walked out of the door with one of the greatest breakdowns in history !

This class has literally driven me insane from the very first days. Unmanagable and unteachable and unbelievable! Wallahi I've done everything I know .. every single thing to try to manage it , and nothing seems to work. Yelling , shouting , and kicking out of the class didn't work. In fact , when I kick the lousy ones out , the class grows into a heaven. Of course , the less the merrier xD But , I found out that those freaks whom I shooed away are jakin' around in the hallways and disturbing the other classes. Ufff , I'm stuck with them! So taking names? threatening with marks? separating from each other? being friendly and understanding?! All done , none worked.

It's sad that it's the same class that has the most excellent gurls in the school , and the ones I'm so crazy about , so I didn't want to risk them. Last resort for me was to say ( الدرس مشروح ) I was worried about the others ; the ones who care , and I also wanted to see if the "Tanabel" care! ....... They didn't give a thing .. surprise surprise !! So back to square one T____T

One of them asked me once ( why would you care? what do you want from us? you are only a trainee ???? )You know what ? You are right! Why would I care? Why , huh ? WHY? The easiest thing I can do is to write your lesson on the board without spelling a word , sit my butt on the chair and read a book , God or listen to music if I want to for the rest of the period. When my supervisor comes , I'm gonna act the way every teacher acts , and sure as hell I'm gonna score a high grade !! Yeah , WHY DO I CARE ? It's not my fault , it's not my problem !

I LOVE this scene in Good Will Hunting.

Last but not least , my only advice for you guys out there is stop trying to be perfect , just do your job and please .. please don't try to fix the world because the only things you'll come up with are (1) loathing yourself and the whole planet accordingly and (2) making a fool weirdo out of yourself , and oh .. you'll have a soup sandwhich eventually .. trust me on that !