Sunday, 7 November 2010

Dear Clear Conscience , Knock It Off !

Alsalam alikom everybody. Hope all is well at your ends?! I hate to be a drama queen , and I really really hate to write at extreme frustration and disappointment at the whole universe , but wallahi I can't help it. You know how picky and freakin' sensitive I'm , and you also know how awful the life out there is , but hey , I'm still here , life is still stupid , so you have to get used to it. This post is for me and for those enthusiastic peeps. Always starting wired and so excited , ending up a doomed wreck. Like me now !

Gonna start off with a very reasonable question : Have you ever had one of those uncontrollable outrageous urges of knocking your head to the walls beacause you only feel stupid ???? Actually , to tell you the truth , I felt so for almost everyday in my bity life , but I did it today! Did it as in did knock my head to the wall ....Yep , thanks for your sympathy and felt good BTW O.o

Been a mad day at school. I was totally dejected because of my classes' exam's results. It turned out that the headmistress of the school is having a spy in every class ( a student ) and probably a spy in our room as well who rats us all out! Really uncalled-for :( I also had to take (1/5) i.e. the lunatics ward i.e. the class I hate most for two periods in a row today in order to keep it up with the other classes. And guess what ? I snapped .. I walked out of the door with one of the greatest breakdowns in history !

This class has literally driven me insane from the very first days. Unmanagable and unteachable and unbelievable! Wallahi I've done everything I know .. every single thing to try to manage it , and nothing seems to work. Yelling , shouting , and kicking out of the class didn't work. In fact , when I kick the lousy ones out , the class grows into a heaven. Of course , the less the merrier xD But , I found out that those freaks whom I shooed away are jakin' around in the hallways and disturbing the other classes. Ufff , I'm stuck with them! So taking names? threatening with marks? separating from each other? being friendly and understanding?! All done , none worked.

It's sad that it's the same class that has the most excellent gurls in the school , and the ones I'm so crazy about , so I didn't want to risk them. Last resort for me was to say ( الدرس مشروح ) I was worried about the others ; the ones who care , and I also wanted to see if the "Tanabel" care! ....... They didn't give a thing .. surprise surprise !! So back to square one T____T

One of them asked me once ( why would you care? what do you want from us? you are only a trainee ???? )You know what ? You are right! Why would I care? Why , huh ? WHY? The easiest thing I can do is to write your lesson on the board without spelling a word , sit my butt on the chair and read a book , God or listen to music if I want to for the rest of the period. When my supervisor comes , I'm gonna act the way every teacher acts , and sure as hell I'm gonna score a high grade !! Yeah , WHY DO I CARE ? It's not my fault , it's not my problem !

I LOVE this scene in Good Will Hunting.

Last but not least , my only advice for you guys out there is stop trying to be perfect , just do your job and please .. please don't try to fix the world because the only things you'll come up with are (1) loathing yourself and the whole planet accordingly and (2) making a fool weirdo out of yourself , and oh .. you'll have a soup sandwhich eventually .. trust me on that !


Fadiosis said...

even though i never been anywhere near teaching but i can really really relate to your case...

it's complicated, i'm sure that those girls never found someone with conscience to begin with, and that explains the hostility..

Allah y3eenik, it's a huge task Abrar, just vent it out every day, you don't need to fix the whole world, fix half a girl everyday :D...


IamFarsilla said...

owwwh uztazaaah im really sorry to hear about this, yes girls can very noty but they are being rude to you already. i hope u b strong *hugs*


Abrar said...

Fadda ,
LOLz , it's gonna be GREAT if I even was able to do that :D

Silla ,
Trying to be ;)
Can you come and be in my class , please ?

Thank you sweethearts :***

IamFarsilla said...

hahaha i dont mind!!! would love to experience high school in saudi :D


Abrar said...


Wafa' said...


i am a teacher and in Medina too. when i read your previous post about teaching i was wondering if you were one of the trainee at my school, lol. i know you are not.

anyway, this introduction was to tell you that it was , has been, is, will always be the same. Same things happened to me when i started teaching at school, it was a mess and so tough. you think things will be easier when you become a "real teacher - as some students call us" , nope it wont. but you will be the one with more experience and knowledge.
it's tough but let's be honest. right now, you don't need to fix anyone, you need to do your work, teach them, finish your curriculum and get good grades. because that's what count. Don't be hard on yourself for a bunch of girls who are frustrated themselves with HUGE problems and only can take it out on someone they think has no power over them.

just a note: why don't you ask their teacher to attend some of the classes or talk to them. i did and they are better now.

Abrar, seriously if you want anything i am here. Email me or anything.

Good luck dear :)

p.s: one day you will make a difference in someone's life and it will be huge :D

Abrar said...


Wouldn't it be awesome if I was in your school ? Woow :D
Yeah , that's what I'm trying to do ; my job and nothing else!
Wallahi ya Wafa even their mothers came to the school over all the things that they've been doing to me and to all their teachers!It didn't make any difference ...

Thank you Wafa , thank you so much :****

P.S.Yaaaa raaab

Unique gal" said...

no no don't stop yeah try to fix the world try..
you know i'm a real teacher now but believe me the teaching is awesome try to attract their i'm teaching 1st and 3rd intermediate ..1st are great but 3rd are disaster in level and behavior and everything you know what i did..i went to the principle herself and ask her to give me extra class to improve their the first,was difficult but now at least they are trying to work with least they felt that there's sth least they appreciated what i'm doing for have to work hard than them have to be the most Patient in the world..aaaaaah it's still the 1st experience for me, but i benefit from it alllllll the day..any Qs ..i'm ready

p.s..i missed u
p.s.s..pray for me to go back to the blogger.

Abrar said...

I missed you even more Ameera :** and I really miss your blogs .. go back please :s

About my girls , I doubt that they even have any interests in anything in the world except for make-up and fashion! I tried to draw their attention as you said .. and it also didn't work .. surprise surprise!!

Ughhh I'm just so desperate T__T

IamFarsilla said...

uztazaaaah where r u?? uve been missing :(


Abrar said...

Awww , I'm around Silla sweetheart xoxox
Been really busy. I'm trying to write something very soon insha'Allah


IamFarsilla said...

aite!! have a great week dear *hugs*


Abrar said...

You too ^.^
Thank you loads :**