Sunday, 26 December 2010

Yes , We Can Make It !

Can't we? no no wait? I don't really know for sure .. Maybe the title needs a little modification?! It's a bit of wired , don't you think? .... neh , it's Abrar who is talking again , so the thing is pretty much normal , huh? Good morning/evening everyone , hope all is well at your ends?! It's so depressing how the whole process of writing is taking an outrageous sort of way for me. I don't write till I have enough of the life out there. I can't take it anymore , and I desperately need to vent it all out , so I'll just cut to the chase ..

Today , at school , something happened , and it didn't only move me , but wallahi it brought me to loads of tears. The special education girls at the school ( Our school is one of those who have integration systems ) held a little celebration on the occasion of the success of King Abdu Allah's surgery and his wellbeing. The celebration they organized was very nice and touching. It was amazing how passionate and outgoing and eager learners these kids are with all the things which they lack and so desperately in need for! I felt so ashamed .. we've got it all , and yet we rarely thought of doing such things .. and do you think we were listening to them? No , we freakin' were not! Every one was busy with his own self !! It's very painful ....

It got on all of the nerves and provoked the hell out of me! I mean , on top of the whole stupidity that I put up with every single day , despite all the attempts that I and a lot of people make to fix the world .. nothing is working. Good are good and bad are bad .. there is rarely bad going good ! It's like this ..

And I went nutsooo

Our problem is that we are taking everything FOR GRANTED. We are thankless enough to think that we own every thing as if it could never be taken away in a snap. We are cocky enough to think that we are the smartest , the funniest and the most modern of all. O.k. folks .. you need to realize something YOU ARE NOT so !

For me , my problem is that I suffer from a severe clear concience that I need to be urgently cured from. I wish I was this person who doesn't care about a thing. I wish I could live my life so quietly and peacefully! I really really wish I can stand the feeling that I could come and go without people noticing me .. keep to myself , do my own things and leave. No troubles , no 7argat A39ab and nothing , but I CAN'T. I can't see something wrong happening in front of me and keep quiet , I can't remain silent when stupid things are around .. and to be honest with you , I'm horribly afraid that I might lose my life or be thrown in a mental institution one day over this!

Wallahi I just need to rest and give my poor brain a break. I swear to God it hurts .. ouuuuwwwwuch ! I just wanna relax , lay down , have a massage , a hot bath , a cup of coffee or God have some sleep ..

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

What I'm Sorry For ..

I had a breakdown yesterday .. a pretty severe one. Some one was hurt! I was trying to pull myself together , but I couldn't. I had to explode and take it out on some poor creature. You know when people say that delicate things break easily?! and that sensitive people are the ones who always make whoppers ?? I make this folk wisdom sure as hell to the whole universe on a regular basis. Anyways , needless to say how stressful and exhausting my week was , and I am tired .. no no .. tired doesn't even begin to describe my situation. Consumed .. Wrung out , maybe?

I left school at 11:00 A.M , and I headed to the university to fill in my other role. I cried all the way in the car .. and even in my class , I couldn't hold myself back , so I took permission to leave. I had one of those uncontrollable urges of shouting all aloud till the whole world hears it. I needed someone to hug me soo hard and suck out all the anger and frustration I felt. I thought of mum , but really calling her at that time is not really wise !

I took off to my mentor's office .. Dr.Hayat , and al7amdu li Allah she was there. There was also Dr.Amna .. Dr.Hayat's friend and an old friend of my mother's. I had a great pep talk and a really stimulating conversation of the two. Dr.Hayat is perfect .. I LOVE her .. for everything she has .. but mostly because I'm so much like her. Dr.Hayat is Utopian , passionate , a very devoted lady , and a real hard worker. I make a perfect match , and I knew no one would help me get through this like she would.

I spent the whole day pondering , and as weird as it might sound .. I came up with the same conclusion. I apologize for myself .. Sorry for knowing that life is a mess .. and knowing it's not a Utopia .... but rather a jungle and still believing I can make it a better place. I'm terribly sorry for believing that people are treating me well and smiling to my face because I somehow happen to deserve it !? Sorry for forgetting that no matter how much good you've done .. you are counted for your smallest mistake. I'm achingly regretful to the hopes I got up and for my heart that's been mushed like a potato !!!!

... life !

BUT still .. being me .. playing my role perfectly , fulfilling my duty , and trying to honor my ethical obligations are what I will NEVER be sorry for ....

Friday, 10 December 2010

I'm Stupid , and It's Your Fault ~ Part (1)

My student Najla left this week. On sunday , she told me that it was her last day at school. She wants to go back to Egypt to attend Al-Azhar university , and they wouldn't accept her there if she graduates from a secondary school here. Can you tell why?? It's such a shame because Najla was one of the BEST students I had. Masha'Allah she is very polite and smart and God soo passionate ! Gonna miss her. Anyways , my reaction to the big shocker was that when I got home that day , I cried my face off .. and me whatever you want!

Najla's leaving has left me pondering over two of the unavoidable-yet-been-purposely-avoided facts of my life. Firstly , the fact that I am an emotional idiot freak who can't help but get involved in everything around me. But again , never mind it. I was just me being me! The second fact , and the one that really matters , is the painful reality of our education in Saudi Arabia. It's nothing like I needed Najla to remind me that our system is  fashel or something! It's pretty much a general consensus that no one BUT -all due respect-FOOLS would deny.

Still , and before I throw my bitter rant , there is something that I need to pinpoint. I know that there are people out there who are givin' it their best trying to fix the problems , and it's not working very well. The thing is .. it's rotten from the inside. It needs super extra efforts of everyone of us. For now , if I shed some light on our education in Saudi Arabia , I'll come up with the result that everything is quite messed up. No decent curriculums , no qualified teachers , students are umm ... I dunno what to even call them , no smart well-studied plans .... and the list goes on.

Let's take curriculums first .. If I talked about the syllabus I teach , it's so lame and boring to death. It has given me a migraine with Ahmad Al-Ali and his programme .. I mean seriously , what good would Ahmad Al-ali do us ? We need solid English , people !However , and despite all the attempts made to develop the curriculums , it's not really working. Wondering why? 'cause we don't have enough good teachers to teach them , and that's a whole other subject that I don't want to go through !!

But in general , the main reason that could make a bad teacher is a bad student i.e. most of the bad teachers were lousy students to begin with .. like some of those I have now. God it's truely agitating and depressing what Saudi students do. I swear to God .. I'm not toxicated or anything , but I never see such a thing from one of my Egyption , Syrian , Yemeni , Afghanistani , and Pakistani students whatsoever. Wallahi they are ALL Saudis who always smother me Why? why Saudis ? why??

They don't give a thing about education. There is no sense of appreciation for what teachers do. They follow makeup and trends and fashion single mindedly. They don't wake up till they hear about some sort of an exam or something O.O And the worst part is , once they show up , they are like ( دكتوررااااااااه , كم صفحة تبغي البحث / الواجب ؟؟ ) Waja3 it's so irritating , we're not kindergarten :@ or the most famous yet most pissing off request ( !! يادكتورره احزفي لنا جزء من المنهج .. مرررررة كتيييييير ومرررررة صعب) Ufff .. You study for life not for exams , gals! I realy don't know when we are going to snap out of this. It's getting unbearable wallahi! 

Bottom line , everything is connected , and it's everybody's fault. Everybody's responsibility. Teachers should wake up and smell the coffee. Be carefull with those little minds in your hands. Stand for perfect role models. Once when one of your students grows up , s\he is either gonna speak highly of you and thank the day he had you for a teacher or s\he is ..... well I better not say! For students , CUT THE BALONEY and stop blaming everybody else for why you are losers!

P.s. It's not that I'm Abrar the most educated perfect Saudi girl , but when I say something is wrong , it is wrong !

Monday, 6 December 2010

Two Mad Weeks (Picz)

Alsalam alikom everybody. I'm terribly sorry for being such a slacker T__T Been leading an insane life lately with the school and the university and everything. I miss you ALL , and I can't wait till this week is over to start jacking around your bolgs :p I now have the most wonderful 43 followers. You have no idea how happy I am ! 43 is a huge number for me :) so thank you all LOADS ..

Umm .. wanted to speak less this time << Yeah apparantly O.O and provide you with some pictures of the things I've been doing for the last couple of weeks .. Enjoy

Gifts for my distinguished students


Heaps of worksheets
This is the first error analysis worksheet I've done with them. The errors were from their homework.
This was really helpful.

This is the last disaster I've done to the Saudi educational system .. I teach idioms HOOORAAAAY
I also happen to have a horrible handwriting , don't I ?

A spelling-vocabulary-checking activity .. they LOVE it !

Our table ( My side )

Manal's side over there

Asma's Side

I made this mess :D :D

 What do you think ?! and p.s.wish me luck with my exam tomorrow .. love you all xoxo